mom guilt

Sometimes it feels like the Today show is spying on my life.  I swear at least once a week they have some segment that relates to my life (either that or their demographics happen to contain lots of moms with new babies).  Now before people get all Judgey McJudgester here let me set the record straight - YES I do watch TV while I am home with the babe.  There ain't much else you can do while in the middle of a nursing session so YES the Today show and I have become very good friends these past few months.  Tell me what you would do if you spent a majority of your day sitting down with your breast in someone's mouth???  I suppose I could be a "super mommy" and read him some Shakespeare while he eats but umm yeah, I'll save that for the super mommies and enjoy my little bit of quiet time and guilty pleasure TV.


Speaking of guilt, my latest psychic Today show experience was a segment on how to deal with working mom guilt.  They have already covered postpartum hair loss and mom brain which, in addition to the working mom guilt, are three experiences of motherhood that I could do without!  I know the whole war between working moms and stay at home moms rages on and I've been in all three positions in my life (working full time out of the home, working part time out of the home, and staying home full time....hmm I also worked from home so I guess that gives me four haha).  I don't think anyone is "easier" or "harder" than the other.  To toss in a clique it is like comparing apples to oranges.  Each one has their ups and downs.  But, one quote from this segment on the Today show stuck with me and confirms my belief that it is not "easier" to stay home full time but perhaps, more "desirable", for me at least?  The segment leader said that when you are a working mom you hold down an outside of the house job in addition to being a parent but the problem is that many working moms feel like they are not doing either job well.  BINGO!  That's it.  That is exactly the feeling I have when I'm working full-time out of the house.  Distracted at work - CHECK.  Too tired when home to do everything that needs to be done at home - CHECK.  Constantly missing work because your child is sick - CHECK.  Sending your kid to school/daycare without whatever item they need - CHECK.  In my case, if I had to pick the job I'd rather do better it would be motherhood/parenting which is why I feel like staying home is the better of all the options.  The timing of this was of course perfect as I've been fretting over the dreaded return to work for weeks now that my leave is more than halfway over :(    


Of course with any Today show segments there is a "the more you know" PSA moment so they offered some tips on dealing with mom guilt.  One was identifying the source of the guilt and seeing if there are ways to fix it.  For example, does your kid fuss and cry when you drop them off at daycare.  I've had good luck with finding quality childcare so far so that is a major plus.  They also said to remember what you provide for your family by working and that taking care of your career is also taking care of your family.  Yeah, I guess we didn't want to live in a rinky dink two bedroom apartment the rest of our lives so I know that going back to work has helped my family and unfortunately we live in a society where women are now expected to do EVERYTHING and are judged no matter what choice they make.  Unfortunately there is nothing in place to help women have a thriving career while maintaining their home lives - don't ever read about other countries maternity policies, it will make you extremely depressed.  

I have taken a step that will hopefully provide me with a little more balance in my life.  Nothing is set in stone yet but I'm hoping to go back to work on a reduced schedule (4 days/week).  The one day off would give me my quiet time with Liam and let me get somethings done around the house, run errands, etc that would normally be crammed into one or both days of the weekends.  Then, hopefully our weekends will feel more like weekends and not two days of running around to get ready for the next week!  In some of my reading about other countries maternity practices I saw that one country offered high-level part-time protected civic positions that require education, experience but were PART-TIME and protected for parents.  Imagine how great that would be in NY.  Part-time government jobs that attract qualified applicants and reduce government spending while stimulating the economy.  Maybe I'll propose that idea to my distant cuz a.k.a. The Governor.